The super moms more overburdened

Photo By Pascal Huot
In addition to the work, the moms like Audrey Richard (photo) must, in particular, to link household chores, meal preparation, and care of the children.

Valerie Bidégaré

Saturday, 2 September 2017 00:00

UPDATE
Saturday, 2 September 2017 00:00

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Twenty years after the implementation of the system of public daycare to allow mothers to breathe, they are more likely to be exhausted and to consume antidepressants, lament experts.

“It is a phenomenon that affects all women and that fits in continuity with the discourses and constraints experienced in previous generations,” says Hélène Charron, director of research at the Council on the status of women,

Hélène Lee-Gosselin, director of the Institute for Women, Society, Equality and Fairness, abounds in the same direction : “Some women have towards themselves expectations to be perfect, so perfect mothers, professional perfect joint perfect, she said, and some push those expectations to a perfect body. “

Testimonials are disturbing

Some of these “super moms” (see text in the opposite page) have given without discomfort to the Journal being at the end of the roll :

• “Some days, I couldn’t just more. I was going into the bathroom. I cried, cried, cried “, has entrusted us with Julie Trudeau.
• Alexandra Takech has not always withheld her tears she no longer : “I’m already hidden under my desk for no one to see me cry. “
• “For the majority of people, be a stay at home mom, it is always have the laundry done, a clean house like in the magazines, and happy children “, for its part, considers Stephanie Coallier-Brisson.
• Audrey Richard agrees : “I have to force myself to be in a good mood with the kids because I find it hard to see the condition of the home, the tasks that never end, the unmade beds, piles of clothes that accumulate. “

Result, more women seek help for anxiety disorders or depression, ” says psychologist Camillio Zacchia, of the university Institute in mental health Douglas. “We live in a world in which there is a great deal of importance on the desire to correct everything, to achieve perfection,” he says.

In addition, data obtained by The Journal show that the use of antidepressants continues to grow among women, and that they take two times more than men.

Women are too much

For her part, Hélène Lee-Gosselin believes that the system of public daycare, which was to allow the women to integrate into the labour market while abandoning their traditional role, has somehow turned against them.

“Historically, companies have primarily existed with the labour men, which enjoyed the presence of someone at home to take care of the rest “, she says.

However, even if women are less at home to care for children in the 60’s and 70’s, they continue to fulfill their role of mother, in addition to holding a job. This only increases their stress. This is in addition to the social networks and the media that accentuate the weight on the shoulders of mothers to thrive financially, ” she says.

“It’s pretty maddening to see how these traditional images of the perfect mother continue to co-exist with messages that say to the women : “you must take care of your personal autonomy and financial, work, have a career,” says Ms. Lee-Gosselin. The model of the perfect woman is the super woman. “

A finding that also makes Camillio Zacchia, who note that the roles are growing for the woman.

“Before, the mom was a mom. Now, she has a tendency to want to do everything, concedes he. It puts a lot more emphasis on the professional role and one tries to keep the family spirit, but we can’t do two things as well. “

As for the advisory Council on the status of women, it also notes this “double constraint” emphasized by the creation of a system of public daycare.

Like a robot

Audrey Richard can do no more of its fast-paced life of hell, while she strives to make it all work. She is said to be about to sink under the weight of household chores, care for the children, trips to daycare, meals, and shopping, in addition to his work nearly 50 hours per week.

“I’m going on the medication. I confess that I think about it, but I don’t want to so no, ” sighed the mom entrepreneur of Donnacona, voice saturated with emotion. “I wanted to help, but I’ve not found any to the public, with the exception of my doctor,” she says.

The mother of two children, she is co-owner of a business of cakes creative that takes at least 50 hours per week. His spouse is also a self-employed worker and does not return to the house before 20 h, who regularly work Saturdays.

“The morning,” said the mom, 36-year-old, I prepare the children, I’m going to wear them to daycare. I return the look for the evening, I prepare dinner, and then it is bath and bedtime.

When I got big contracts, it is not rare that at 21 pm I should go back a quarter of work, until 1 o’clock in the morning, at home. It is a bit stupid. “

Extremely heavy

This routine is repeated every day so that the super mom is trying to accomplish his chores for the band, such as a ” robot “, to use his expression.

“At home, I find it extremely heavy. I have to force myself to be in a good mood with the children, because I find it hard to see the condition of the home, the tasks that never end, the unmade beds, piles of clothes that accumulate… Just talking about it, I’m depressed “, let it fall.

The pressure of the web

Photo Simon Clark

Alexandra Takech coined a term : the guilt of work and family…

Pressure at work, at home, by relatives, and now on the social networks : since the birth of her son, Alexandra Takech fact of the feet and hands in order to meet the “requirements” of society in his quest for the perfect mom.

This mother of a family of Quebec gave birth to her boy, two years ago.

Well before it see the light of day, she was inspired by what she found on the web to form a preconceived idea of what would be her new role of mom.

“I was looking at the suggestions for educational activities to do with his child, but mine is not very diy, so it was a mourning to do. It is more engine, said the mother, aged 33 years. It can give you ideas, but this is not always the reality. “

Stress and guilt

To explain some of the stress that she feels, Ms. Takech tip of the finger, this pressure is virtual which is intruding in the lives of mothers.

“I put pressure and I said to myself : “she spends full time with her children, she looks full and happy, she has a dream life”. There is so much in a world where everything is projected. There is really a culture that we must register our children with the 10 000 things. But where is our quality time ? “

The scam work-family

Through a persistent feeling of guilt, Ms. Takech trying to balance work and family as best as she can.

If his employer has put in place measures to promote this articulation, it is believed, however, that there is still a pressure to ” deliver the goods “.

“A bad day, I call it the scam work-family, and others, the guilt of work and family “, joking that “takes advantage” of its dinner hours to go shopping in order to lighten his schedule, while she admits to flirting with the “crisis of anxiety” some days.

“I’m already hidden under my desk for no one to see me cry,” she said. I have to stop everything to take it personal and feel guilty, but it is easier said than done. “

It has made her sick

Photo By Caroline Lepage

Julie Trudeau has had a routine
infernal.

Wishing at any price to be a great mom and a great worker who excels in everything, Julie Trudeau has been caught up in his hectic lifestyle. She was off work due to major depression with generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder.

“I was in survival mode for how many years ? Two years ago, ” says this young mother of a family of Drummondville, 34 years of age.

A prisoner of his routine

At the time, she found herself caught in the whirlwind effervescent generated by its routine infernal daily shifts : day care, meals, housekeeping, laundry, homework, gymnastics… in addition to his work.

“I was going to wear and look for the girls, cooked the supper, and, while it’s cooking, quickly one did the homework. Once the children go to bed, you still have the washing and what to do. The wheel was running all alone, ” says one who was also feeling a pressure to perform at work.

Without warning, the anxiety has taken hold of this super mom. She started to accumulate the panic attacks at the rate of two per day and sometimes even in the middle of a meeting.

“I was crying, I was crying “

“Some days, I couldn’t just more. I was going into the bathroom. I cried, cried, cried. I burst in pieces, breath-t-it.

Exhausted, she consulted in the summer of 2016. She was diagnosed with major depression with generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder. She ended up off work and on medication. “The super-mom, super-worker had to excel in everything, and I said to myself that they were going to be happy and enjoy my work, but me, I liked it not my pace. “She has undertaken a return-to-work progressive before Christmas, to leave his job last August. “I could,” said the one who then started a group therapy daily in order to “tame” the anxiety and the depression.

It’s not easy being a mother at home

Photo Didier Debusschère

Stephanie Coallier-Brisson, mom is exhausted.

Faced with the failure of the conciliation of work and family, Stephanie Coallier-Brisson has decided to put his career on hold and stay at home to make life easier. With a spouse working in the field of agriculture, it has to hold the fort single quasi-permanently, so much so that she quickly became disillusioned and fell into a depression.

This young mother of Saint-Alban worked in a shop when her boy had built the nursery. His schedule included shifts in the evenings and on the weekends, as well as that of his spouse who is insemination in cattle.

“It didn’t work at the daycare. My guy ate more and he caught gastro, so I was obliged to go to the hospital, missed work. The fact of running, I was freaking out, ” says the mother.

To make matters worse, she has to “thank” him by his employer. “I was told that I wasn’t faithful,” she said. The work-family balance did not work at all. It was a slap in the face “, admits the one who is 29 years old.

“Single-parent “

Before this failure, the couple decided that the mother would remain at home. They have tightened the belt before welcoming a second bundle of joy. It is at this point that she felt overwhelmed and ” judged “, descending into the depression.

“Both feet in and above the head. For the majority of people, be a stay at home mom, it is always have the laundry done, a clean house like in the magazines and kids happy. My children are happy, but like any parent, my house is a mess ten minutes after everything was flared, sigh-t-it.

“The mother in the home does not have to run to get to daycare, work, everything is beautiful, it has not to complain, but I have 24 hours on 24, 7 days on 7. I am a single parent who does it all. “

Exasperated, Ms. Coallier-Brisson has decided to re-register his boy at day care to provide respite, at the rate of two days per week. “Often, my boyfriend comes back from work and said to me : “you have done nothing”. Well, I changed 16 diapers, managed 10 attacks, did 3 loads of laundry still not folded and I have not been able to prepare dinner because I fly nose for 5 minutes. I have requests from one side and the other, which pour a glass of milk, but woe, in the wrong glass, then I have a crisis of bacon to manage.

“As if taking care of the children was not a job in itself,” concludes Ms. Coallier-Brisson, who is pregnant with her third child when she qualifies as “sadomasochistic” in wanting to enlarge the small family.

Not need to be perfect

– A mother of Rivière-à-Pierre is successful at all to combine with her spouse

Photo Jean-François Desgagnés

For Marie-Christine Morasse, the key to success lies in the “letting go” and a “beautiful accomplice,” with her husband, while the couple is naturally divided tasks day-to-day perform.

A mother of three children of Rivière-à-Pierre carbide to the challenges. The job, the children, the housework, the congress, the nursery, the duties, the various courses and activities included in the agenda of this super mom, who manages to just combine with the “letting go” and a “special rapport” with his or her spouse.

“It has embedded itself. We have seen our strengths, we complement one another really well, ” says Marie-Christine Morasse, aged 33 years.

This mother of three children, has always lived to a hundred at a time and has not slowed the pace since their birth.

Routine, unrestrained includes the labour and the congress, who are often forced from outside, the nursery, the homework, the meals, the dancing lessons of his daughter and the hockey of his boy, the soft ball with her spouse, in the summer, and hockey in the winter, the organization of activities and festivals for the municipality, and then the presidency of the Council of the school. Phew…

“When nothing is done, it seems that it is looking for the book,” said the great mother.

Fortunately, she counts on the help of his spouse. “The baths I have given to the children, I count on the fingers of one hand, she says. My boyfriend also takes care of the pickup of the end of the evening. I prepare lunch, fill the dishwasher, leave a load of laundry. “The couple even manages to find herself on the sofa in the evening. “My laundry’s in the washer, it waits for the next day if I don’t have the time. I give myself the time to take time for me. “

Letting go

A concept that the psychologist Camilio Zacchia strives to understand the super moms who are turning to therapy to treat anxiety disorders, or depression related to the pace of life frenetic, and the quest for perfection, especially.

“We try to make them understand that they can do a lot without doing all. They are good mothers without being a perfect mother “, he says. “Re-examining their priorities. It works the confidence, standards, requirements and this famous question of the control of what we can and can’t do and accept it. “

To this effect, Ms. Morasse agrees that the key to success lies in letting go. “I like my home to be clean and tidy, but I let it go completely, she points out. The mess in the living room will stay there until we say, “it picks up all the world together”, and then we sit down to watch a movie. It is clean and we are happy. “

The key to success

• Letting go
• Establish the degree of importance of the tasks to accomplish
• Being able to say no to the other
• Respectfully leave to rest responsibility on the shoulders of others
• See that things are done well even if it’s not perfect or done according to our standards
• Have a capacity to tolerate and to delegate

* Source : Camilio Zacchia, psychologist

Voluntary simplicity as a life buoy

After “downright cast to the ground” trying to follow the infernal pace of his routine daily family, a mother and entrepreneur, Val-Bélair has decided to reorganize his life and opt for voluntary simplicity. It eliminates the frustrations, the stress and anxiety.

“There was no room for the unexpected and it made me freak out,” admits Julie Turbide, who is a mother of two girls. I had to be cursed after the children. It didn’t work, this was not consistent with my values. I had to redesign everything. “

After the birth of the eldest child, the great mother, 35-year-old, launched his business offering the owners of knitwear it produces. She worked more than 40 hours per week at home, then her chores, those related to the children, homework, and meals, among others. “I am completely thrown to the ground,” she says. As soon as there was a storm, a te (leave teaching) or something that didn’t work and prevented me from working, I angoissais. “

Voluntary simplicity

It is to this that Ms. Turbide has opted for voluntary simplicity. She has given more than one-third of the effects that were in their apartment and has reduced her hours of work.

His spouse is providing for the basic needs of the family. It concocts its household products, in order not to be ” dependent on the purchase “.

“We didn’t have a big train of life, one remains in the apartment, and our car is paid. My dreams have changed, and now that it is uncluttered, we are here, ” she said. With less possessions, we have more money for activities. “

Ms. Turbide contends that the stress, the anxiety, the virus and the conflicts are much less present since.

“I’m more patient. I had never read a story before bedtime. I didn’t have the time. I had work, I had to finish dinner, give baths, etc, Where one has the time to do it, it was more fun. This is our moment. “