How to forgive their parents: 8 tips that work
How to forgive their parents: 8 tips that work
What psychological problems did not happen in adult life with a person, a “diagnosis” generally is childhood, or rather, the images did not go with him. They remain in my soul a pain that if time did not pull out, will begin to fester and eventually turn into a poison that destroys the body from the inside both mentally and physically.
Sign up for news “UkrMedia” in Facebook, Twitter or Google+
Such images are difficult to eradicate even the most experienced psychologist, not to mention how to handle them by yourself. But to try to do this, you must not assume that “somehow goes by itself” – will not work!
To destroy any offense (and children, especially) can only be a sincere forgiveness. But how unbearably hard it is to do! We can forgive almost anyone, but if you hurt mom and dad – this is the heaviest load that hangs over a person’s life the sword of Damocles, ready at any moment to break and fall.
Renowned psychologist Lyudmila Petranovskaya at one of his lectures lifted the veil of secrecy, there is generally a chance for an adult to get rid of childish need. Today and talk about this.
1. Don’t try to forgive his parents, and post ratesa the maximum to understand them, looking at them hard enough life where basically all did the same: lack of money, life, work, endless queues in shops. Perhaps this endless bustle did not give them a chance to be more sensitive and loving parents (very often people unconsciously copy the behavior of their parents, and in our even more hectic age, this happens quite often)
2. If it used to be that parents are Holy and any resistance to them or the rejection of their behavior was a complete taboo, as an adult, you have to understand that they have every right to talk about the problems and that you something was bad. Perhaps the parents are not even aware that you have a grudge against them. Many of them are not so wrapped, as before, they have had years to become wiser and maybe you already gave them grandchildren, so they have a whole new perspective and become kinder and calmer. Try to talk to them heart-to-heart and, most likely, you can start a new relationship which you were deprived for many years.
3. But sometimes just talk is not enough. One important that parents apologized (again – for what, perhaps, they had no idea what caused mental trauma), hugged, tightly hugged and kissed as a child. In those cases, when in a relationship there is a serious abuse (a term that refers to violence, mistreatment, insult – ed.) and that that is a heavy burden, sometimes it is enough that the acknowledgment on the part of parents. Yes, imagine a simple recognition of the perfect able to “mute” the unbearable pain that dragged on for years and usher in a new warm relationship.
4. It happens that the result of a Frank conversation with the parents is their complete denial of the fact that they were doing with you. According to them, everything was done correctly, and it is thanks to them of you grew up a man with a capital letter. Express them the right not to admit mistakes. Each person has his own vision of the world and perhaps it is this understanding of the love of children. If in old age they maintain their position and do not accept other option to convince them will not succeed. Just know this: everyone has a right to their own opinion.
However, in this scenario it is unlikely that you will be able to be truly good relationship, but you may be able to forgive them already and this will be just a little easier.
5. Another recommendation of the psychologist is to pity himself, just a little. To explain everything from the position of an adult and admit that Yes, the parents were wrong, but to judge them we have no right, because you never can be older than them. Just regret. After all, there must at least one adult to feel sorry for you, little one. Why you yourself do not become adults?
6. Allow yourself sometimes to be sad: the fact that was not in your childhood, that your parents you were given is unfair or prohibited. Sometimes a “capoterapia” brings relief.
7. Not Teplice hope that parents will take and will change dramatically. Perhaps not dramatically, and not at all they will not change. For example, you wanted father never once kissed or hugged you, and mom said to your kind words. But they don’t hug and don’t say – nothing changes. Maybe they just don’t know how to do it. They had no one to teach. They are just not even able to master the science of love. Try them just pity and love, no matter what, because they were deprived of this feeling. Do not expect them to manifestations of emotions, just like them. Even though in old age they will feel that it is. After all, you are their flesh and blood may have come into this life to teach them this.
8. Learn to “decode” the love of your parents. If they grumble and criticize, but never let you go hungry and worried, you are wearing a scarf and carrying an umbrella, it is their love just not quite the way you imagine it myself. So, you don’t hear from them words of love, but sometimes love is silent, but actions are more important than the hundreds of beautiful words.
If you manage to truly forgive, or at least a bit to understand and accept his parents for who they are, you will be able to bring back the warm relationship that existed between you once.