Seven mistakes of parents that prevent children become leaders
Seven mistakes of parents that prevent children become leaders
If the relationship is based on material rewards, kids will have no internal motivation, no love for you.
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Parents, and with soft nature and even the most severe, sometimes unconsciously destroy their children’s future. The expert on leadership, author of the psychological bestseller Tim Elmore has identified typical errors of parents who are pre-programmed in children the lack of, and also limit their chances of becoming happy, reports Rus.Media.
1. Parents do not allow children to take risks
We live in a world where at every step there is a warning about the danger. It seems to us that safety is important; we are afraid of losing their children and do everything for their protection. Of course, that is our task. However, so we isolate them from healthy risk, and it has absolutely the opposite effect.
European psychologists have found that if the child is not playing in the street, and parents don’t allow him even a crack to scratch, then in adulthood, he will suffer from phobias. Children need to fall not just to understand that it is okay. Teens need to break up with girlfriend (boyfriend) to feel the emotional maturity that is needed for a lasting relationship. If parents remove risk from their children’s lives, it is likely that in the future leaders will see the arrogance and low self esteem.
2. Parents too often come to the rescue
Today’s youth do not have the skills that were pertinent to children and adolescents 30 years ago. And all because adults intervene and immediately take on their problems. When we too soon come to the rescue, surrounded the children with excessive attention, we are depriving them of the need to overcome difficulties and solve problems.
This approach ignores the essence of leadership: to prepare young people to cope with difficulties without assistance. Sooner or later, kids get used to someone always comes to the rescue and settle the consequences of wrong actions. However, the real world works very differently, so such behavior does not give our children to become competent adults.
3. Parents are very easily addicted children
The movement for the strengthening of self-evaluation began with the generation of baby boomers, and in the 1980s it took root in schools. Visit the school match, you’ll see that almost everyone is the winner. All participants should get the prize. This attitude makes children feel special, but studies show that this method has its side effects. Eventually, children get used to parents, the only ones who consider them geniuses, even when others are silent. They begin to doubt the objectivity of their parents; at first it looks nice, however, the link with reality is broken.
When we are too eager to scream with delight and ignore the wrong behavior, children learn to cheat, exaggerate and lie to avoid an uncomfortable reality, because they it is banal are not ready to meet with her.
4. Guilt does not allow to raise a leader
The child is not obliged to love you every moment of my life. He can deal with disappointment, but not master effects that spoil him. Tell the kids “no” or “not now” – let them fight for what is truly valued and what they need.
We, as parents, tend to give them what they want as a reward, especially if the child is not alone. When one something well, praise and reward only it seems not quite fair. This is not a realistic approach, which does not give the child the understanding that success is dependent on our actions and good deeds.
Do not teach children that if he gets a good evaluation, you will definitely go to the store and buy him something. If the relationship is based on material rewards, kids will have no internal motivation, no love for you.
5. Parents do not share their errors
Normal children always want to spread your wings, try something yourself. We must allow them this, however that does not mean that we must also help to find a course in these turbulent waters. Tell them about errors that occur in their age and in similar situations. Only talk about them to help make the right choice. (Avoid negative lessons” related to Smoking, alcohol, drugs and the like).
In addition, children must be prepared for setbacks, as well as to understand the consequences of their decisions. Tell us, how did you feel when you had a similar experience that you led, what they have learned as a result. We don’t just affect their children, we must be the best examples of behavior for them.
6. Parents mistake intelligence, giftedness and influence with maturity
Intelligence is often used as an indicator of the maturity of the child, as a result, parents think that an intelligent child is ready to enter this world. This is not so. Some athletes and young Hollywood stars, for example, demonstrate a unique talent, but still fall into public scandals.
Although giftedness is present in one aspect of a child’s life, do not make the conclusion that it manifests itself in all other. There is no magic age at which everyone becomes responsible, does not exist and tested rules when it son or daughter, you need to give some freedom.
However, there is a simple tip: watch their peers. If you see that those alone are doing more than your children, you may retard the time of their independence.
7. The parents themselves don’t know what to expect from children
Our parental duty to show an example of the life that we want for our children. Help them to be strong, reliable and responsible for their words and actions.
Observe yourself: how to make moral choices in petty situations when there are other people, because your children can see it. If, for example, do not deceive, for them it will also become unacceptable. Demonstrate how selfless and happy to do volunteer work. Change the people and the city, where there are, for the better, and your kids will begin to do so.
Why are there these errors?
Play a role and fear, and a lack of understanding. However, the most important thing is that each generation of parents is usually trying to compensate for what I did the previous one. They focus on the “now” and not on what will happen next. Think about the happiness of the child today, not about the state of his readiness for living tomorrow. This is a reaction to the past.
The parents of today’s parents too often pressed on them, preparing for the upcoming: to save money; to prepare for retirement. As a result, many of us decided that to appreciate the present is much more important. The way we do. This, incidentally, led to large debts and the inability to postpone pleasure. Perhaps this is our biggest problem.
How to stop and change their behavior?
It is important to better understand your own words and actions in communication with children and other people, when first near. Not just make a beautiful life, but also teach train them. Here’s where to start:
Discuss those things that you yourself ought to know about adult life during childhood.
Allow children to do what they are bad at and even let to fail.
Discuss the possible consequences of what they do not possess defined disciplines.
Apply strengths to solve real problems.
Cook them for projects that require patience and will teach you how to delay the pleasure.
Learn that life is about choices and tradeoffs; it is impossible to realize this.
Let them (or simulate) adult tasks like paying bills or transactions.
Tracemodule them to potential mentors among your friends.
Help to provide them with their dream and then discuss what needs to change in order to achieve it.
Celebrate with them the progress towards independence and responsibility.