How to communicate with elderly parents: 10 simple rules

2017-09-21 15:19

How to communicate with elderly parents: 10 simple rules
Not to expect pleasure from intercourse, If you will not wait for satisfaction from interaction with elderly relatives, the likelihood that you will receive increases.

Pleasure can be obtained from myself. For example: if I’m going heavy conversation with my father, I should refrain from your anger, reports Rus.Media. One second I will be hard, and the rest of the time I will get pleasure from the fact that he restrained himself. Is this a children’s game called “weak”: Weak to resist? Poorly not to get angry?

I work with people for the last 15 years. When they start to eat me I try to hold it, and then you realize that offended no one: it’s not just our parents, we are with you in 20, 30, 40 years.

Steer

We’ve learned that parents control us. They are strong people, and give advice, and help. But suddenly there comes a time when you need to take the steering wheel themselves: now you are strong and you have to manage the situation.

They want us to be successful. If I come to your parents and complain that they can not nothing to help me. Therefore, I shared two truths: there really is good is the truth that they better not ever know. Our well-being — the key to their success, it is necessary to remember.

Do not try to change them

When we were little, the adults ate well our brains with stories about the neighbor boy who best learns and listens to his parents. When they become adults, we begin to respond in kind: “Look, the neighbor walks every day, and you spend all day sitting at home.” We try to correct them, though you need to accept them for what they are.

No need to try them to shove, they are not subject to modernization. We can only accept. If the man was Smoking up to 80 years old, he’s probably not leaving. As my ward joked: “I do breathing exercises until the cigarette is completed.”

Know their “specs”

Need to know exactly with whom we are dealing. It is necessary to understand what people can not see, can not hear, can not stand up. To understand what a blind person, try to be in his place: at least make drawings in the dark.

Our older relatives you see every day, decreased their opportunities. In my class, comes a super successful person 80 years a former businessman, founder of chain stores in Israel. He comes up to me with tears and asked: “will You help me?” He suffers from a permanent reduction of its forces.

They are struggling with stress. One of my students is on the back of the device like a metal cot, with which he walks all day and that keeps his spine. At night he this design takes off, but to return it is impossible.

My other ward was once asked if he could sit on the right and left of the neighbor. It turned out, he did not like as a neighbor singing. When I asked what the difference is which side to sit, he replied: “my Right ear I can’t hear”. We need to try to understand these things.

Imagine for a moment that your parents gradually transferred your autopilot to manual control. They start taking the pill on hours. The average life expectancy of 80 years. 5 of these people sick and a couple of years he needs help. You just need to accept it and to understand: okay, this is a normal story, fee for long life.

Not to be in conflict

I myself studied for a long time. There is a piercing projectile, which breaks through any skin: “when I was your age, but you are in my — not yet.” And indeed it is.

Aggression elderly comes from dissatisfaction. When you accept the reason for the aggression, when you’re smiling year old relative and don’t respond to his attacks, aggression subsides. If the answer is — gone.

Of course, you need to be able to change the topic of conversation, to change the vector. Try, for example, in a situation in conversation with the parents to take and change the subject. This exercise will help you in a situation of conflict.

To sympathize with, but not pity

Empathy is a very important thing. And you need to distinguish between sympathy and pity is heaven and earth. Pity disarms us: sparing the person, we usually can’t help him. And empathy may be different, including cynical or active.

Not to argue

There are many moments when I really want to answer. One of my students made me buy the heavy Board, we had two years cut from her sculptures. She then complained to me: look, what he gave me. I heard it all and didn’t answer. I can’t remind her: “You’ve asked,” she just doesn’t remember. When you know who you’re dealing with, things become much easier. You get negative energy, pererosla it and give positive.

To manage impressions

When we are young, we have a lot of experience, but with age they are becoming less. All that distracts from summer sad lifestyle is very important. They sit in front of the houses on the benches and talk about the neighbors, because they lack experience.

When we touch the topic about how to protect the elderly from fraud, all the tips associated with strengthening of defence: put the iron door, the camera, to forbid them to come to the door. Actually the answer is very simple: they need to take.

We should look at the man slip him something. If you want the old left early, just put him on a chair and start to blow off the dust will not stay long. My aunt, for example, loved to reprint poems by Pushkin on the old computer. Or my other friend — an 80-year-old grandmother no longer hears nothing, but is floating five styles in the pool. Well, when I have intercourse with my grandchildren — the main thing to grandchildren that didn’t hurt.

To me the students come and say, how quickly time passed, I did not notice. Every day, we get 40 people. When the interaction between them — it is also a time of sharing. They discuss me it’s fine. One of the wards told me: “You’re like two shots of vodka.”

Impressions are different, not always good. Once my clients chairs dragged out on to the balcony and watched as the man fished out of the pool and taken to the ambulance, is also impressive. We can try to make impressions were only good, but we are not omnipotent.

Don’t blame yourself

The guilt haunts them all. Whatever occurs, it is the feeling of being unfinished, were given, behaved improperly with his parents. You can’t blame yourself. Blame time. It’s a vicious cycle that does not depend on us.

You have to understand that the person who is approaching the verge of life and death, primarily in itself and trying to organize the past. I spoke with many people who remember what it was 40-50 years ago, and trying to sort through. The memory is arranged as a bottle with sand. When you tilt it, the events of yesterday fly away at once, and on the bottom remain mom and dad. People go to, and we are not responsible for this, we must understand it, accept it and try to give them as much as possible.

In any case, you need to take care of yourself. We must learn to relax. If you constantly live the life of an elderly person will end up guilty of what you accuse that you have still not happened. Why aren’t you married? Why no kids?

Forgive

You need to learn how to put it in yesterday. It’s like a computer — you reboot and start working again. If today you does not forgive his grandfather, tomorrow it may happen — it never will be.

I reconnected with the mother after left some topics uncovered. When I was 20, I thought, now I’ll just explain and she’ll understand. She didn’t understand. So I learned not to lock threads, but just step over them.

But to forgive, one must have power. There are many techniques restore: you can meditate. Personally, I came up with for the technique of “5 minutes”, just leave the room, sit for five minutes and thinking about nothing. Then come back with new forces to again be able to sympathize.

One of my main commandments — learn to laugh. Jolly old man is not dangerous.